Tag Archives: shopping

Zombies Are People

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There is no getting around it, zombies are here to stay, as ugly as they are we love them. They have become a way of life for a gazillion of us. Even before The Walking Dead rolled into Hollywood, they were popular, but now…..well, we see them everywhere.

Zombies have that special way of saying I love you, as their shit smelling breath gets close to your pale juicy skin.

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And lets not forget about the ones who are missing body parts and still manage to walk around like nothing is wrong……..I wonder what kind of zombie the Terminator would have made?

Zombies used to be people before the apocalypse hit.

  • They went to movies and ate popcorn with stale, fake butter.
  • Pre-zombie people talked to each other, telling bad jokes, and laughing when they thought they should; now they just bite your face off…. seems a simpler way of life.
  • Shopping for groceries used to be fun, now we have to worry about finding body parts in the cooler isle.
  • Before becoming a zombie they would take their kids to the park and watch them play in the sand box, filtering through cat turds.
  • For entertainment they used to watch the news, gladiators, sitting in the comfort of their home, hoping for something juicy and violent.
  • Before the world f**ked up people used to have sex, now, as zombies they can’t because their parts would fall off.
  • They worried about getting to work on time; now they don’t worry because their brains look like a can of refried beans.

Life is good not being a zombie, I can blink, I’m pretty sure most days I don’t smell like a corpse, and it’s been awhile since I chewed an ear off.

 

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Then again, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

 

 

 

 

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Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror, Please Don’t Crack

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Finish this sentence: “When I look in the mirror, I . . . “

Photographers, artists, poets: show us MIRRORED.

When I look in the mirror, I see an incredibly talented person with wrinkles deep enough to require a putty knife. What’s the point in having a magic mirror, one that makes you look younger, when all it’s doing is telling you a lie?

I’ve never felt the need to be fake, I don’t have the patience. It takes far more time to be dishonest, than it does to tell the truth.

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The next bit is something I wrote about ten years ago, it still makes me chuckle. It doesn’t really have anything to do with mirrors, but rather being truthful about who we are. It seems a good companion, along with my musings for the day.

THE THREE F’S OF LIFE

FAME:  While many people think fame is reserved for the likes of Movie Stars, Astronauts, and Politicians, the real significance of the word is best illustrated by the life of the Rock Star. Rock Stars live the life most of us only dream about. Too much money at a relatively young age with little regard for people punching a time clock.
Endless trips to exotic parts of the world complete with giant bugs and tour buses that do not have flush toilets.
Mobs of screaming young women who want to have your baby, all the while trying to tear a piece of your clothing off, even if it’s the sweaty underwear you’ve had on for the past two days.
Listening to the pleas of loyal fans tell you that if you sign your name “Elvis” any where on their body, they will love you forever.
And last but not least, you get to go back to your high school’s twentieth reunion wearing sequined pants, a black velvet shirt, and hair that once belonged to someone else.

FORTUNE:  Finding one’s fortune in life can take us down many roads, with very different results.
A sudden wind fall in the lottery might bring a feeling of bliss, until we realize our “friend” ratio has dramatically increased overnight.
Some people run away to join the circus in hopes of finding their fortune, only to realize that walking behind the elephants with a large shovel probably wasn’t one of the brighter decisions they made in life.
The stock market is another area where the “risk taker” will invest a large amount of money in a company that sells a breakfast cereal made from tree bark, only to have the environmentalists close the company down using the slogan, “Your Kids Are Eating Mother Nature”.
Treasure seekers are perhaps the ultimate in fortune hunters. They run after clues hundreds of years old, all the while trying to convince the host country they are merely hacking apart the mountain side looking for inexplicably large rodents.

FRIEND:   The word “friend” is highly misused these days. People use it in the lamest of circumstances. Bumping into someone on the street and then saying, “Sorry friend” is a sure-fire way of having the person look at you like they’d rather smack you in the head than put you on their Christmas list.
Politician’s will use the word friend so often, that by the end of the campaign most of us are ready to get out of the political circle and put our efforts toward supporting something less phony like a religious cult.
While in school many of us developed a circle of so-called friends who wasted no time in telling other “friends” that we French kissed the principal, smoked pot in the gym, and drilled a hole in the bathroom wall so we could all enjoy a sneak preview, all this in the span of one day.
Those of us who know what the word really means will understand that a “friend” is someone who will still think you are the greatest person on earth even after your rock star phase didn’t turn out quite like you’d planned, and they will not laugh at you when you tell them you once walked behind an elephant.

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Top 10 Foods To Never Take On A Picnic

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Canada Day is around the corner, so it is appropriate to lend my wisdom regarding picnic food, and park etiquette.  Sounds simple, but you’ll be surprised how people screw this up. These are in no particular order, they are all equally bad.

  1. Soup is not picnic food. No matter what the magazines tell you, it does not look cool dribbling out the side of your mouth during the three-legged race.
  2. Peanut butter is a poor choice. Your mouth will be so gummed up, you can’t yell at the dog who just crapped near your blanket.
  3. Jell-O salad is a tricky choice. That really cool shape you left home with, may resemble something like a blown-out tire by the time lunch time rolls around.
  4. Sardines are never a good idea, especially gross if you are on a date. Leaning in for a kiss and getting the ass end of a fishing trawler is not romantic.
  5. Stay away from hard-boiled eggs in the shell. They can too easily be used as weapons of choice.
  6. Leave the ghetto blaster at home, on the porch, beside the empty 26er, no one is interested in hearing, “ Yo big mama beat the dog down..” you get the idea.
  7. Control small children; you will not be impressed when they run back to the blanket with brown stuff on their fingers, and even more grossed out when they pick their nose, after telling you they found chocolate bars on the ground.
  8. If you want to smoke pot, do it in the back woods. Most people frown upon the smell of burning cow shit, while they eat potato salad.
  9. In many cases it’s best to leave the pooch at home, unless they are restrained, listening to your every word, like the cat does, ha-ha, joking!
  10. No microwave ovens. Just because you found one that plugs into a battery doesn’t make it cool. You will look like an over-applianced idiot, and the laughing will be so loud people will call the police. When they get there, they will laugh.

Enjoy your day! :0)

Daily Prompt: Tourist Trap

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What’s your dream tourist destination — either a place you’ve been and loved, or a place you’d love to visit? What about it speaks to you?

A vacation this early in the morning? I travel light, so let’s get moving. :0)

My dream vacation would have to be, for my husband and I to take a trip on the Orient Express, sadly, the original no longer runs. On 14 December 2009, the Orient Express ceased to operate and the route disappeared from European railway timetables. The Venice-Simplon Orient Express, now runs in its place, Perhaps we will have to be satisfied with that, lol, oh dam, from one luxury to another.

Anyway……….

I’ve wanted to ever since I was a kid. I love trains, and this one in particular seemed to speak of opulence and intrigue… perhaps I’ve read one too many Agatha Christie novels/movies.

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Or James Bond riding the train rescuing a beautiful double agent. All this aside, I really would have loved to ride the legendary beauty. It would have been a trip of a life time I’m sure, so many reasons.

We will now be riding aboard the Venice-Simplon Orient Express, an adventure worth taking, I have no doubt.

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One day we will travel with this new Queen and discover adventures of our own.

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Daily Prompt: Comfort Zone

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What are you more comfortable with — routine and planning, or laissez-faire spontaneity? 

I think I would go nuts if I had the to plan everything, it’s just not in my nature to do that. I’m the type of person who makes a list to go shopping and then forgets the list at home. I really do try, 🙂

These days I have been watching the organizing gurus on YouTube, it’s quite amusing really, and some of it’s actually rubbing off. They would defiantly wince at the no routine/planning thing, but spontaneity works best for me, or so I keep telling myself, lol.

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Taking a road trip and meandering along, not really planning where I’m going to stop, I love that.

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…. and since it is my birthday today, I can do whatever I want!

Beautiful and sunny here on the west coast, thank you!!

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Daily Prompt: Seconds! Of Chocolate

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Describe the most satisfying meal you’ve ever eaten, in glorious detail. 

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Do birthday cakes count? Hubby had his last Saturday and I made the most delicious chocolate cake. Not just any ordinary cake, but a chocolate mayonnaise cake. Have I said the word cake enough? :0) If you are a chocolate fan and have not tried the mayonnaise version, you really must.

Use really good quality, extra dark cocoa, and an extra splash of pure vanilla. When I finished mixing the batter, and filled the pans, I didn’t want to take the time to scrape off the beaters, and of course I couldn’t waste it.

One finger lick…two finger licks….and on it went. I limit the amount of sugar I intake, it’s just something I do, so don’t normally lick beaters and bowls. The batter looked so tasty, and smelled so good I couldn’t help myself. By the time I had finished the two beaters and large white bowl I think my eyes were closed, because it was oh so satisfying. The batter swirled inside my mouth and slid down my throat…hmm…lol

I really don’t remember the last time I had a cake that tasted so good, and of course the icing was sensational as well.

We had gone out for a nice dinner, then had rushed home so we could have birthday cake, because we both knew how incredible it would be. What can I say, it was an amazing meal, because we all know that chocolate really is in a food group all on its own.

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Daily Prompt: Burnt- One More Time

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Remember yesterday, when your home was on fire and you got to save five items? That means you left a lot of stuff behind. What are the things you wish you could have taken, but had to leave behind?

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Here we go again. I was a step ahead of WP yesterday, so I’m going to take a hard left turn and make a list of things I wouldn’t take, even though I might be thinking about them as my hair is smoking.

  1. I wouldn’t take my camera, ( can’t believe I just said that ), I could buy another one with the insurance money.
  2. The giant bag of cookie cutters would have to fry, I have been collecting them for years, I think there is about 100.
  3. The messy book-case, with books, it would block my escape route down the stairwell.
  4. All of my clothes would stay. I’m pretty sure a fashionista would try to grab some choice pieces, but I don’t have to worry about that…. what a relief.

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5. I wouldn’t have time to take my DVD collection, that will suck having to leave behind “The Great Pumpkin” and “Forrest Gump”.

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6. My Granny’s old mixer would have to stay, I would hate having to leave it behind. Maybe I could find a way to stuff it into my go bag.  By this time I’m pretty sure it can no longer be considered a go bag, at this point it is more like a stop go, stop go bag, since it so heavy I am dragging it down the stairs.

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And just for the record? I wouldn’t be wearing a dress.

Have a great day everyone, as you flee the day!