Tag Archives: food

Zombies Are People

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There is no getting around it, zombies are here to stay, as ugly as they are we love them. They have become a way of life for a gazillion of us. Even before The Walking Dead rolled into Hollywood, they were popular, but now…..well, we see them everywhere.

Zombies have that special way of saying I love you, as their shit smelling breath gets close to your pale juicy skin.

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And lets not forget about the ones who are missing body parts and still manage to walk around like nothing is wrong……..I wonder what kind of zombie the Terminator would have made?

Zombies used to be people before the apocalypse hit.

  • They went to movies and ate popcorn with stale, fake butter.
  • Pre-zombie people talked to each other, telling bad jokes, and laughing when they thought they should; now they just bite your face off…. seems a simpler way of life.
  • Shopping for groceries used to be fun, now we have to worry about finding body parts in the cooler isle.
  • Before becoming a zombie they would take their kids to the park and watch them play in the sand box, filtering through cat turds.
  • For entertainment they used to watch the news, gladiators, sitting in the comfort of their home, hoping for something juicy and violent.
  • Before the world f**ked up people used to have sex, now, as zombies they can’t because their parts would fall off.
  • They worried about getting to work on time; now they don’t worry because their brains look like a can of refried beans.

Life is good not being a zombie, I can blink, I’m pretty sure most days I don’t smell like a corpse, and it’s been awhile since I chewed an ear off.

 

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Then again, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

 

 

 

 

Daily Prompt: Me And The Sausage

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If a restaurant were to name something after you, what would it be? Describe it. (Bonus points if you give us a recipe!)

Photographers, artists, poets: show us DINNER.

My daily quest is developing a really good vegan sausage, one that makes you go, “mmm, that’s really good”. My baked tofu is like that, when I make a batch of it, I could eat the whole damn thing at once.

I realize I’m not answering the question of the day, but hey, I’m a food radical at heart, so I have nothing to lose here. This post is about food, so that’s close enough for me.

For those of you who are vegan you know what I’m talking about. What’s out there is not that great, and the brands that do taste “ok”, are so overpriced they stop a person from truly enjoying the experience. Yesterday while shopping I spied the brand I’ve been wanting to try, on sale, but it still worked out to $1.00 a sausage, and that’s just silly.

It prompted me to once more, try to come up with a recipe that will satisfy the taste buds and go easy on the coin purse.

I have the rest of this week before I start my new job, so I have time to putter and have fun.

If I think it’s something to crow about I will post the recipe, because I know I’m not the only one out there who would rather hug than eat the cow.

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/daily-prompt-dinner/

Top 10 Fun Things To Do While Camping

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A couple of weekends ago we did the camping thing and loved it, we can’t wait to go back. It was the inspiration for this list, so it comes from the heart, lol.

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not sure what I’m on, but it seems to be working!

  1. It’s always fun to count the ants in your camp site, if they are making a circle around you, and have lit a match, it’s not a good sign.
  2. “Marshmallow stuffing” is a fun game. It involves shoving as many as possible into your mouth, until you can no longer hold them in. You should resemble a gopher on steroids if you are doing it right. Once you puke, you loose.
  3. Sitting in the dark, poking the fire, now who doesn’t love doing this? If you want added excitement, you can always try making smoke signals with the blanket that is most flammable. This will keep you extra alert and give you a chance to try out the fire-proof apron you bought for barbecuing.
  4. Counting spiders while you use the out-house. This is always a fun exercise, and will prompt you to pee faster than you thought possible.
  5. If you are staying for more than one day, wait until your neighbor’s check-out, then run over and take any left over fire wood. The campground will re-sell it , and it’s every girl for herself in the woods.
  6. Roasting potatoes in the fire is always a fun challenge, since there is no way of truly telling how hot the coals are. If you unwrap the spud and find delicious smelling dust, it’s too long.
  7. If you crave a cappuccino while camping, try the poor mans method. Heat the milk in a saucepan, take a short length of rubber tubing, stick one end into the milk and blow on the other. It will not produce foam, but the people watching you will be amazed, and you will be laughing inside so hard  milk will squirt out your nostrils.
  8. This is a good time to break out the clarinet and pretend you know how to play. People will offer you all sorts of things for free.
  9. While sitting around the fire in the dark, try to spot glowing eyes in the forest. If a pack of eyes moves towards you let the marshmallow burn and run like hell.
  10. My personal favorite; when you wake in the morning, count how many spider webs you find inside the tent. It will make you feel so much better knowing that they were running across your face while you slept.

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Daily Prompt: Keep Out For Now

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Who is the one person you hope isn’t reading your blog? Why?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us OUTSIDE.

There really isn’t anyone I don’t want to be here. I hope everyone comes here, lol. If I write in the blogosphere, its open season, that’s the way I look at it. If you really want to stay private, don’t own a computer.

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When I walk Molly I sometimes snap random photos.

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This wall is in the parking lot of a community shelter, it makes quite the statement.

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These are not exciting, but they did make me think. The window with the bars is someone’s home, I was at street level looking down. Not really the view most of us dream about when we are having our coffee Sunday morning.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/09/daily-prompt-outside/

Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror, Please Don’t Crack

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Finish this sentence: “When I look in the mirror, I . . . “

Photographers, artists, poets: show us MIRRORED.

When I look in the mirror, I see an incredibly talented person with wrinkles deep enough to require a putty knife. What’s the point in having a magic mirror, one that makes you look younger, when all it’s doing is telling you a lie?

I’ve never felt the need to be fake, I don’t have the patience. It takes far more time to be dishonest, than it does to tell the truth.

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The next bit is something I wrote about ten years ago, it still makes me chuckle. It doesn’t really have anything to do with mirrors, but rather being truthful about who we are. It seems a good companion, along with my musings for the day.

THE THREE F’S OF LIFE

FAME:  While many people think fame is reserved for the likes of Movie Stars, Astronauts, and Politicians, the real significance of the word is best illustrated by the life of the Rock Star. Rock Stars live the life most of us only dream about. Too much money at a relatively young age with little regard for people punching a time clock.
Endless trips to exotic parts of the world complete with giant bugs and tour buses that do not have flush toilets.
Mobs of screaming young women who want to have your baby, all the while trying to tear a piece of your clothing off, even if it’s the sweaty underwear you’ve had on for the past two days.
Listening to the pleas of loyal fans tell you that if you sign your name “Elvis” any where on their body, they will love you forever.
And last but not least, you get to go back to your high school’s twentieth reunion wearing sequined pants, a black velvet shirt, and hair that once belonged to someone else.

FORTUNE:  Finding one’s fortune in life can take us down many roads, with very different results.
A sudden wind fall in the lottery might bring a feeling of bliss, until we realize our “friend” ratio has dramatically increased overnight.
Some people run away to join the circus in hopes of finding their fortune, only to realize that walking behind the elephants with a large shovel probably wasn’t one of the brighter decisions they made in life.
The stock market is another area where the “risk taker” will invest a large amount of money in a company that sells a breakfast cereal made from tree bark, only to have the environmentalists close the company down using the slogan, “Your Kids Are Eating Mother Nature”.
Treasure seekers are perhaps the ultimate in fortune hunters. They run after clues hundreds of years old, all the while trying to convince the host country they are merely hacking apart the mountain side looking for inexplicably large rodents.

FRIEND:   The word “friend” is highly misused these days. People use it in the lamest of circumstances. Bumping into someone on the street and then saying, “Sorry friend” is a sure-fire way of having the person look at you like they’d rather smack you in the head than put you on their Christmas list.
Politician’s will use the word friend so often, that by the end of the campaign most of us are ready to get out of the political circle and put our efforts toward supporting something less phony like a religious cult.
While in school many of us developed a circle of so-called friends who wasted no time in telling other “friends” that we French kissed the principal, smoked pot in the gym, and drilled a hole in the bathroom wall so we could all enjoy a sneak preview, all this in the span of one day.
Those of us who know what the word really means will understand that a “friend” is someone who will still think you are the greatest person on earth even after your rock star phase didn’t turn out quite like you’d planned, and they will not laugh at you when you tell them you once walked behind an elephant.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/daily-prompt-mirror/

Daily Prompt: A Mystery Girl

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Tell us something most people probably don’t know about you.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us MYSTERIOUS.

I’ve had a keen interest in Egyptology since I was a little kid,  maybe it comes from watching one too many Abbott and Costello movies, lol. I loved the idea of treasure hunting and uncovering lost civilizations.

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I’m also a big fan of Vincent Price. Many of his films were so cheesy, but we still love them. And yes, I loved watching them when I was a kid, obviously I had a varied childhood. 🙂

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What’s not to love, Kermit the frog and the master of horror. The day Kermit lost his dad was the saddest day ever.

I love to garden, even though I can’t grow house plants worth a crap, lol.

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Dead is dead, what can I say.

There we go, just a sample of the mystery girl!

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/03/daily-prompt-mysterious/

Top 10 Foods To Never Take On A Picnic

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Canada Day is around the corner, so it is appropriate to lend my wisdom regarding picnic food, and park etiquette.  Sounds simple, but you’ll be surprised how people screw this up. These are in no particular order, they are all equally bad.

  1. Soup is not picnic food. No matter what the magazines tell you, it does not look cool dribbling out the side of your mouth during the three-legged race.
  2. Peanut butter is a poor choice. Your mouth will be so gummed up, you can’t yell at the dog who just crapped near your blanket.
  3. Jell-O salad is a tricky choice. That really cool shape you left home with, may resemble something like a blown-out tire by the time lunch time rolls around.
  4. Sardines are never a good idea, especially gross if you are on a date. Leaning in for a kiss and getting the ass end of a fishing trawler is not romantic.
  5. Stay away from hard-boiled eggs in the shell. They can too easily be used as weapons of choice.
  6. Leave the ghetto blaster at home, on the porch, beside the empty 26er, no one is interested in hearing, “ Yo big mama beat the dog down..” you get the idea.
  7. Control small children; you will not be impressed when they run back to the blanket with brown stuff on their fingers, and even more grossed out when they pick their nose, after telling you they found chocolate bars on the ground.
  8. If you want to smoke pot, do it in the back woods. Most people frown upon the smell of burning cow shit, while they eat potato salad.
  9. In many cases it’s best to leave the pooch at home, unless they are restrained, listening to your every word, like the cat does, ha-ha, joking!
  10. No microwave ovens. Just because you found one that plugs into a battery doesn’t make it cool. You will look like an over-applianced idiot, and the laughing will be so loud people will call the police. When they get there, they will laugh.

Enjoy your day! :0)